Me and this corner of the street

Here i stand in this corner of the street. Its an ordinary street by the way, people walking by, street vendors everywhere. In fact, almost every time i go home to this so called parijs van java i pass this corner.  Still until now, after all these times, after hundreds of days, i still feel the strange feeling. Every time i pass this corner i still feel this funny and undeniable urge to stay and playback all the good memories happening in here. Well its not that funny after all, it only me laughing sarcastically to myself.

what are you afraid of ki ? its just ordinary corner of the street

The witness of my stupidity, the silent traces of my mistake, thats just some names i used to call this corner. Silly name i guess, my logical part of my brain said that its just a place like many other places, but the emotional part of me slap me with those memories and said “No, its not”.  At the other side of this corner, theres another place thats make me feel worst than this corner. The place you jokingly said to me “Its my second home, coziest place in this city” , the place called Ciwalk, A along walkway that looks very beautiful at night. A long walkway that once in my highschool time i cursed myself that i will be having great memories here someday. Well i can deny it, its really are beautiful, so beautiful that makes me laughing sarcastically to myself.

I think i have new name for this corner, this corner is my safe zone. Safe zone that protect me to that beautiful walkway. Protect me from all the memories ive spent in those walkway laughing with you. Protect me from delicious ramen that were often go there to have some lunch. Protect me from XXI cinema that i often take you there. Protect me from the fact, the fact that its me who let you go streaming down in tears. The undenieable fact that  its me who dont have faith in you, its me who always being too logical and its me who didnt do all the things you expect from me.  This safe zone protect me from break down my knees and cry like a sad spoiled little child who accidentaly drop his candy, instead of that this corner makes me laugh. Laugh sarcastically to myself.

And here i am still standing at this very corner.  Like a schizofrenic, i battle my own feet that want to go forward to that wakway to protect my heart from breaking. Like a sociopath, i create mind barrier and close the possiblity to cross the street  Like psychopath, i laugh, laughing hard so  hard that i wont let my tears fall down. Laughing at whatever things crossed in mymind. Just laughing, and still laughing. Sarcasticaly to my own self.

Well, its just me being emotional i guess. From whatever perspective, its just ordinary corner of the street. The corner that still watching me with an eagle eye. Watching myself, who still not moving from you.

Bandung, perempatan cihampelas – 30 Desember 2009

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